Notes from the in-between

A reflection on spaciousness, fear, and what it means to finally choose differently.

Sometimes, the universe sends you the same lesson over and over until you finally learn it. That’s where I’m at right now—back at a crossroads.

I’ve spent most of my career working at startups. Every few years, I find myself in between jobs, desperate to catch my breath. When I’m in it, I give everything—collaboration, leadership, the shared wins and losses, chasing after the same vision.

Because I love feeling valued, and I love being part of a team. But I’m also a highly sensitive person. And while I crave stability and balance…I crave just as much novelty, adventure, and creativity in my everyday life.

And when I get stuck in the loop—wake up, workout, work, make dinner, watch TV, sleep, repeat—it chips away at me. Slowly but surely.

A few weeks ago, I chose to leave my most recent job (you can read more about that here). At first, I panicked—restless, worried, desperate to keep the momentum going. I felt this frantic need to line something else up before falling into the often dreaded “in-between”.

But after a quick escape to Mexico City and several half-hearted interviews for roles that looked good on paper but didn’t light me up, I gave myself permission to slow down and hit pause.

The truth is—I’m lucky right now. I have a bit of a safety net. I can afford to take a breather, and I don’t take that for granted. So instead of rushing back into what I thought I wanted—the fancy title, a paycheck—I’m letting myself rest. Really rest.

I’ve been sleeping in. Journaling. Skipping the gym for long, meandering walks. Spending less time online. Going to therapy. Seeing friends. Taking myself out for coffee. Planning more trips. Reading—fiction, memoirs, spiritual stuff—first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. And slowly, I’m starting to feel lighter. More free. More me.

The truth is, I’ve been here before.

• In 2017: when I left a dream job in New York and booked a one-way ticket to Thailand before backpacking around Southeast Asia and Europe for six months.

• In 2018: when I came back to California, before moving to Australia and traveling for another year.

• In 2019: when I returned to LA, took another full-time job, and then lost my dad to cancer just seven months after his diagnosis.

• In 2020: when I moved back to New York, chasing another opportunity that turned out to be…not what I signed up for. Toxic, draining, wrong.

• In 2022: when I jumped again, to another job in LA that was even worse. Even more wrong.

• In 2023: when I had the desire to start my own thing—but instead, let fear pull me back into another job that ultimately landed me where I’m at right now.

Looking back, I see it so clearly.

Every single time the universe hands me spaciousness, I panic. I choose safety. I choose the known. The irony, of course, is that working at startups has never been stable. But still, I was chasing the comfort of what I knew.

And yet…here I am again. At 34, realizing I’ll keep facing this same fork in the road until I finally choose differently. Until I finally learn the lesson I’m meant to learn.

So this time? I’m betting on myself.

For the next few months—three, six, maybe twelve—I’m choosing exploration. I’m choosing creativity. I’m going to write more. Travel more. Sit in the discomfort of not knowing and finally figure out what I really want, what I’m really good at, what lights me up.

I’ll spend more time writing.

I’ll pitch some brands on consulting.

I’ll follow the flow.

I’ll give myself grace.

I’m terrified. I’m thrilled. I’m choosing to embrace the adventure of it all.

Because life is too real, too raw, and too short to struggle my way through it. I want more joy. More beauty. More of whatever feels good. And you deserve that too.

More soon! Promise.

Jess